Shore Excursion Hell

MAKING MEMORIES: MAKING THE BEST OF BAD SITUATIONS

On this cruise we took four shore excursions and two of them featured the worst tour guides we ever had, one was pleasant and the fourth was merely disappointing. But look at those happy faces we have. We truly made the best of it wherever we were.

I Don’t CARE About Modern Day Mayans, What is this Building?

Our first shore excursion was to Tulum, a place I’d longed to see for a long, long time. The day started on a ferry ride so rough, I got seasick for one of the few times in my life. I didn’t need the barf bag, but almost.

We meet up with a chubby, jovial fellow who took us on a quick trot through Playa del Carmen. I usually enjoy walking, but the day was miserably hot and I was still a little woozy from the churning sea.

We climbed onto a bus for the hour long drive to Tulum. The tour guide almost immediately jumped into a lecture about Modern Day Mayans, of which he was one, and that remained his subject for the rest of the day. I was having deja vu all over again. I thought I was on St. Martin with Josay.

At Tulum, he guided us through a marketplace, warning us only to shop at his recommended shops and then drug us at top speed through the Archeological Park. If you hesitated to take a photo, good luck catching up to him. His commentary still focused on Modern Day Mayas and if you dared to ask him a question about the ruins, then he’d just be quiet while you asked and then go on talking about Modern Day Mayans. Then he abandoned us to find our way back to the bus at the given hour.

Tulum is beautiful. Bill and I strolled around taking photos, but without a guide, we were a little lost, especially since there were no signs bearing any explanation in any language. We had no idea what we were looking at and we gave up guessing. We strolled back to the bar our guide had recommended for cheap margaritas.

Eventually the guide showed up and allowed us back on the bus. He was blissfully silent for the return trip. In Playa del Carmen he dumped us in shopping district and disappeared again. We fought off aggressive vendors and found the beach, but mostly we just hung around until we could catch the ferry back to the boat. That’s how sad the tour was. We preferred being on the boat. This guide got to hold the title of worst guide ever for two whole days and then we had a worse one.

Un-Belize-Able

I’ll skip right to the worst guide EVER!! I’d heard from many people that Belize is heaven on earth. For us it was hell. The whole day was so bad, I didn’t take a single photo. You tell me! Doesn’t Jaguar Paw Cave Tubing & Jungle Trek with Lunch sound amazing? NOT!! It was like Eternal Ride on a Bad Bus with the Worst Guide EVER!

The tour began in a jewelry store and we were there forever. At least it was air conditioned. I think they kept us there until someone finally broke down and bought something. As we climbed on the bus, we realized it wasn’t exactly state of the art. If we’d realized how far away Jaguar Paw Cave was, I might have balked.

Trying to warm up his patrons, within the first mile the guide made a joke. He pointed out some site and said, “Can you Belize it? Un-Belize-Able! You better Belize it!” That was just the first time he made the quip, which was repeated over and over and over and over and over and over and…well I think you get the picture.

The road to the interior was a yawn. Nothing to see on the dusty backroads than what I see on the dusty backroads of Texas. I was so done with buses by the time we arrived at Jaguar Paw. Once we pulled into their entrance we were given our orders: pay for a locker, put your stuff there, wait to be called, go into the jungle.

I get they need to make money, but $12 for a tiny locker which you only need during the very brief cave tour. Now that was Un-Belize-Able, but we were a captive audience with no other options.

When our number was called we were excited to be going on a jungle trek. NOT! The “trek” was about as long as half a city block with a well worn trail. Entering the cave and climbing aboard the innertube was the most excitement we experienced that day. The water was chilly but not miserable.

As I climbed aboard I looked around and wondered where this float was going to go. I could see the end of the cave just ahead. We floated pleasantly for a few minutes and then were instructed to get out and walk about on the shore. Not sure why. Nothing to see.

Back in the tube and back to the entrance. There was a deeper section near the entrance and we were invited to swim, but it was such a short distance you could have almost hopped from your tube to the exit area, so everyone just enjoyed the last few moments of the float.

Then we were sent back on the “jungle trek” and our free meal. I’ll say this. It was better than what they were feeding us on the cruise, but not by much. We killed time until everyone had their float and feed, then climbed back on the awful bus. Thankfully the guide didn’t have much to say, which was good, one more UN-Belize-Able and I would have been contemplating murder.

As we neared the port, the guide did hit us with a few more repetitions of his signature line, but I was numb by then, so his life was never actually in danger. We filed off the bus and through the shopping opportunity, anxious for some reason to get back on the boat.

One thing that made this cruise tolerable was marvelous dinner companions. We were lucky enough to be a part of the cool kids table and they made our evenings very pleasant. From there we’d always head to the auditorium for whatever was being offered for entertainment that evening – always a disappointment. Used to be cruise ship entertainers were among the best of the best, but something has happened since used to be. They’re tired, the costumes are cheap and the scenery is minimal. Yawn.

This was the worst of it. Our other two shore excursions weren’t bad. In fact one of them was downright pleasant. Come back next week for a better time!