The Road to Alligator Bottoms

I have been accused of making up some of my adventures purely to entertain you guys. While I am guilty of squeezing every laugh I can out of a situation, I assure you I have lived through each of these adventures, exactly as I have explained them to you. Whether it was the chagrin I felt on the tourist train in Monte Carlo or having a machinegun toting guard deliver me to a wedding in Cairo, it happened. Perhaps the truth of it is that I just look for more fun in a situation than most people do. What other people experience and forget about almost immediately, I enjoy retelling with relish over and over and over.

The Advent Tea

I go to a very Conservative church. The women all home school and some families are so large, they broke the Covid restrictions just by waking up each morning. A great majority of the families live far out in the country. I’ve never exactly understood why God decided that’s where He wanted me to go, but it couldn’t have been clearer it was His choice for me, even if He’d decided to hang a red “You Are Here” arrow over the roof.

What’s even more strange is that they’ve made me a member of the Ladies Ministry Committee. Early in 2020, before Covid was a thing, one really sweet lady said she had a great idea for a November event. We’d each buy a box of tea, adhere a Bible verse to each tea bag and bring the bags to the event. Then we’d share tea bags and each lady would walk away with collection of teas to enjoy during Advent. That sounded like my kind of event, so I was assigned to help organize it.

The hostess had things pretty well under control, but she was a little fuzzy on the receptacles for sharing the teas at the event and on the receptacle each person would take home with their own teas. I suggested my mom’s Christmas China for presenting the teas and decorative tin boxes to take them home. My suggestions were accepted.

What I Thought Would Happen

The location of the event was one of those homes out in the country that’s not exactly on my beaten track. That’s why I was glad I’d need to take a pre-event visit to deliver the china pieces we’d be using, as well as the cute matching tins I’d found at the dollar store. Based on that assumption, I thought I’d invite along my Bestie, who attends the church with me, but rarely gets to participates in Ladies Ministry Events, because her schedule is so demanding.

So, the day before the event I contacted the hostess and asked her when she wanted me to deliver the china. Well, somewhere along the way she’d decided she didn’t want to use the china after all. While she was probably under the impression that she was making life easier for me, she had no idea that after learning Mom’s china would not be making an appearance, I actually sat down and cried.

I also made note of the fact that I wouldn’t be making a trial run to the location, but we have GPS, right. Everything would be fine.

What Actually Happened

So, Bestie did her best to break away from work, but by the time I picked her up, dusk was setting in. We shot up I-30, took the appointed exit and then turned right when the GPS said to. Only in the dark, I took some kind of driveway rather than a street or road and we were soon turning around.

We got on the right road almost by Braille and continued to follow the GPS directions. Left here, right there – no you missed it, turn around as soon as you can, now left, OK, but we’re about to take a quick right…well you get the picture.

Eventually, the GPS was happy with the road we were traveling and we went deeper into the boonies. At one point I looked at the screen and saw we were on Alligator Bottoms Road. I kid you not. She laughed, I laughed, Burt Reynolds and Jon Voight laughed…I’m kidding.

Finally, the GPS said we were only a few minutes away and that’s when I saw the gate across the road with a whole bunch of official looking signs warning me not to go any further. That’s when Dueling Banjos began to play. Maybe not in reality, but it was on both our minds.

I tried to turn around, but in the inky blackness I was afraid I was going to end up in a ditch, so Bestie had to get out and direct. Once I had the car headed towards civilization I zoomed out of there. We tried calling someone, anyone – because it was time for the event to start and I still had the tin boxes, but to no avail. Believe me, if I hadn’t had those boxes, we would have been on our way to someplace with adult beverages, not tea.

The Boring Ending

With no one answering their phones or calling us back, Deb pulled out her phone and gave Waze a shot. Perhaps it would do a better job than my GPS did. After about 27 more twists and turns we arrived at the tea with a couple of other carloads of ladies. We were late, but not horribly so and there were others who were more lost than we were, apparently – though no one else went to Alligator Bottoms.

Instead of Mom’s Christmas China, the various teas were in small baskets, not an improvement to my eyes, Everybody loved their tins. We had a nice devotional and some prayer time. Then we headed back into the night and were back on a main road before you could say Deliverance – The Movie.

And that was our Adventurous Advent Tea. Next time these city girls are staying home!! Come back next week and we’ll go to the Kimbell for a real holiday treat!