TRAVEL HERE: I’M A DIS-SATISFIED CUSTOMER WITH NO VISIBLE MEANS OF TECH SUPPORT
Tell the president I’ve figured out how to create some new jobs. Let’s outlaw those darned machines that answer our calls for customer service and tech support. I want receptionists and telephone operators to come back into style.
My Customer Service Rant
I hate phones. It’s hard for me to talk if I can’t use my hands. Even back when real people answered, I preferred to go into a business and discuss my problem with another face. Now, even if I go in with a bill in my hand, they point me to a phone on the wall and tell me the extension to dial. I long to be two years old, so I can drop to the floor and throw a temper tantrum.
People complain about technology sending them to some unknown country to speak to people whose first language is not Texan, but it’s not the poor non-Texans who irritate me. My blood pressure rises as soon as I hear a computer generated voice say, “Thank you for calling XYZ.” I mean, what ever happened to “hello.” Can’t a machine say”hello”?
Soon, the voice will offer me a choice of languages. The only thing I’m really interested in is a human, but that’s never available. I’m barely over my disappointment when it becomes necessary for me to punch in a bunch of numbers to tell the voice I’m allowed access into customer service land. Even if I do manage to push all the right buttons for account numbers, pin numbers, code words and zip codes, I’m not out of the hot water. The computer voice immediately becomes a detective!!!
All of a sudden, I’m thrown into a little room full of white noise and a voice demands I tell her where I went to high school, what my favorite cereal is and the name of my first pet. I inevitably wish that I was single, because as the voice demands an answer, I have to decide whether it’s really my favorite cereal the voice is interested in or my husband’s – and how do you spell that crunchy stuff with the things in it and a vanilla coating.
Assuming I guessed Bill’s favorite cereal (or remembered which one I liked best several years ago when we opened this account or bought that piece of technology), the call gets to the meat of the matter – why did I call? Do any of these voices ever give you an option that you want? Maybe it’s just me, but as I listen to my choices I’m wondering if I’m still in the same dimension I was when I started the call. Usually, the choices sound so unrelated to my needs that I will hang up and start all over. It’s like climbing into a phone booth with Superman only to discover you’re really traveling with Dr. Who.
Here’s the worst part. No one in the customer service or tech support world knows what a nice person I am. As I push all the buttons, writhing snakes replace my professionally coiffed hair, fangs grow and all I want to say is, “I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too ha ha ha ha.” I should keep nitroglycerin tablets next to the phone. Paramedics should be on stand-by. Instead some unsuspecting soul says, “Hi Mrs. Sadek, I’m Skipper, how can I help you today?”
Poor Skipper. Maybe he’s the one that needs the paramedics.